We have made it to another week of stories here at Fortune Cookie Med. and I’m rather pleased with all the generous comments my fine readers have shared thus far. Important to note – a few have mentioned that some words seem to be missing at key places. Honest criticism is crucial to the writing process and appropriately humbling when one gets a bit too pleased with their own writing.
To date, I have resisted the urge to go back and fix the issues. Once posted, I consider my writing on the subject to be “published”. An odd compunction for an admitted perfectionist but it has purpose. What purpose could possibly be served by leaving mistakes in my writing? It serves as a reminder to me that I am not as well as I like to pretend.
Just as the phrase “get well soon” is intended, by my estimate, as a kind gesture, the words “but you don’t look sick…” are meant to be reassuring and thoughtful. For most people with a chronic illness, me included, those words grate on the soul of the sick persons self-worth. It is much easier to pretend you aren't sick when you don't look it. It makes it even easier for others to believe you aren't sick either.
Lately, I’ve considered wearing a sign around my neck to serve as visible notice that all is not as it appears to be. The feeling usually strikes after I’ve been glared at by the hundredth elderly person as I pull into a disability parking spot. On those rare occasions when I don’t have a boot cast on, the glare is occasionally followed by some choice words or snide comment. I’ve also considered sign-wearing after some asks me where my kids are or what husband does for a living. Apparently, a woman running errands in the middle of the day who does not have the polish of Jackie O and is therefore not a “lady who lunches” must be a stay-at-home-mom who has ditched her kids with a nanny or is attached to someone in the high-flying software industry which so readily produces young multi-millionaires. Nope, not me. Not by a long shot.
My intention is not that anyone should feel sorry for me – quite the contrary. I feel amazingly blessed to have a son who comes home and says "How can I help, Mommy?", a husband who has long work weeks and comes home to do 90% of the housekeeping, and friends who come visit from places both near and far. I suppose my point is simply that for most people, all is not as it appears. You never know who has just lost someone important in their lives or is struggling to make difficult choices for an ailing partner or parent. Or in my case, is struggling with the loss of the skills and abilities that were once the core for her career.
I never really understood the saying “if I didn’t laugh, I’d be crying” until recently. Most days, I laugh. My darling two year old friend whose penchant for dresses and dirty feet always brings a smile to my face. My husband singing in Tamil while folding the laundry is another good one because he does it with with such enthusiasm. I look for reasons to laugh because really, it is a lot more fun than crying. And it doesn't mess up your mascara nearly as much.
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