I’m an optimist. I’m not necessarily a morning person mind you, but I don’t wake up grouchy or demanding coffee before I can function like a human being. I find humor in many things and look for happiness where possible. I am grateful for this - whether it is skill or genetics - because it keeps me sane in the face of absurdity that is my current condition.
But what is an optimist to do when what they can do isn’t much? I’ll spare you from having to consider options – I’ve already spent enough energy on that for myself and all the blogosphere. So, here is what I’ve considered thus far:
1. Gardening
I love to garden but have difficulty holding a spade or digging in the earth for more than a few minutes at a time. Gardening in ten minute segments makes for a lot of frustration and not much planting.
2. Outdoor Activities
I’d love to go on a walk with my son and our dog but remember that boot cast I mentioned previously? Besides, I’m not really an outdoors-y person when faced with Northwest winter weather.
3. Decorating
Those who know me know of my personal obsession with interior design. High end or thrift store – doesn’t really matter so long as creativity is involved. Two downsides here – lifting and carrying objects greater than 5 to 10 pounds is not advised. So much for moving the sofa! Then there is the purchasing part of design. That requires money – something that you run short of when you are receiving only 50% of your paycheck but having to pay for many of the things you used to be able to do for yourself.
4. Children
In June, it was determined that my body could no longer sustain a pregnancy. Why is it that everyone seems to be pregnant in the month of June?!? About this one – I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m pissed off at God but we are working it out. Nothing optimistic here per say but I find that I don't enjoy wallow in negativity.
These are all things I cannot "do" now. The crucial element here is that none of "can't dos" has prevented me from continuing to do what truly matters - loving my family and friends or even pursing things I’m skilled at, such as writing and reading.
Many people have many things they would like to do but can’t. I happen to know a couple of them…
My father-in-law dreamed of coming to the United States from his native India. He thought that dream might actually come true when his son came to America for work. Unfortunately, the health issues that plagued him for much of his life have now made that dream impossible.
Or my friend C, who was all set to study physics until a semi truck and a speeding Cadillac saw fit to crash into her car and cause brain trauma the likes of which our areas top trauma hospital had never seen before in a person who was still alive.
Or my friend M, who already knew she had a severely painful nerve illness, but was managing her pain and working towards her teaching certificate. Then she found out that an undiagnosed genetic disorder would be rapidly draining her of energy and it will eventual be the cause of her death. Worst part? She does not know if it has been passed on to her children.
As it is with all of us, once something happens to you, you become more aware of it. I know people with chronic illness because we are, seemingly, bound by a common condition. My father-in-law is angry about his state of being. My friends try to take each day for what it is – a chance to live on their own terms. That is how I define optimism.
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